Why don't our meetings work?

First item on the agenda. Anton leans forward. He has a lot of thoughts on the subject and expresses them with great confidence.

It usually goes like this. Anton talks. A few people nod. Someone tries to say something but gets interrupted. After a while a decision is made. Usually in line with what Anton said.

Have you come across someone like Anton in a meeting? Or is there a chance that you sometimes become Anton yourself?

How is time shared in our meetings?

I always find it interesting to study meetings and what happens in them. One of the first things I look at is how the time is shared. Does everyone speak roughly the same amount, or are there one or two people who do most of the talking?

When I work with groups, I sometimes ask Anton (who is usually easy to spot) to act as an observer and note how the floor is shared during the meeting. What happens in the room when Anton takes the less prominent role of observer? Often others step forward!

• New thoughts come up.
• The group gains access to more perspectives.
• The meeting becomes more than Anton's opinions.

When we become aware of our own patterns, something shifts. It often becomes a powerful exercise that leads to insights, both for Anton and for the rest of the group.

How do we make sure everyone is heard?

It is interesting when a leader asks: Which of my colleagues have I heard least from, and what would happen if I listened more to that person?

We all need different conditions in order to feel heard. Someone constantly takes the floor, like Anton. Someone else needs more time and would like material and questions already in the meeting invitation. Some want to be invited into the conversation to share their perspective. Others prefer to finish thinking before they respond. A good first step is to talk about how each of us wants to be listened to, and how the group can help each other create the conditions for everyone to be heard. If the group does not yet feel safe enough to have that conversation together, a good first step is for the leader to ask each person what helps them feel heard. And then to create the conditions for everyone to contribute, so that all perspectives come forward.

How do we create psychological safety?

An important part of creating psychological safety in our groups is showing clearly that we listen to each other. Our communication is so much more than the words we say. Our wordless communication can be knowing glances, or rolling our eyes when someone speaks. It is as if those reactions get stuck in the room and weigh the group down. When we can show that we listen, leaning in and open, something completely different happens. We show that everyone in the group matters and that different perspectives move us forward. When more perspectives fit in the room, decisions become wiser.

More effective meetings

In many organisations a high pace is seen as a strength, and many people feel they do not have time to listen.

I worked at H&M for many years. When I was asked to build an analysis department at group level, a man in the management team pointed out that H&M was a company with a high pace and a strong solution-oriented culture. He saw a danger in everyone running very fast, straight towards solutions. He asked me to question whether the problem had really been understood, and whether there were other perspectives to take into account. My role was to complement the strong drive to act with more listening and analysis before decisions were made.

It is common to want to save time by going straight from having a problem to taking action. I see great value in slowing down, listening to different perspectives and taking time to think and prioritise. To find the direction. Before acting. It does not end well when you run very fast in the wrong direction.

Four steps to a better meeting structure

The quality of a meeting is often decided by how many perspectives fit in the room. When psychological safety is in place, the conditions are there to open up to my four step structure for better meetings. I call it the 4 S of Meetings.

• Gather. Capture as many perspectives and thoughts as possible.
• Slow down. Make time for reflection.
• Sort. How do the pieces fit together? Prioritise what matters most.
• Shape. Make decisions and move forward together.

In summary

• Share the time and make sure everyone is heard.
• Give yourselves time to listen and think.
• Talk about how you want to be heard, and help each other.

The effect of listening better in meetings

• More perspectives come forward.
• The group feels safe and dares to think out loud together.
• Decisions become wiser.

In many meetings the wisdom is already in the room. It just needs space.